How do I forget so easily??

This is a post with two meanings. First, the mundane everyday side. How do I forget so easily how EVIL caffeine is? How do I forget how crabby and nasty I get to my sweet little girl when I'm getting that toxin out of my veins? I can vividly recall my last night after the ball, the one that made me swear never to drink again. Why is it so much harder with caffeine? I feel so much better with out it. I really need to remember my crabby behavior to WonderKid last night. And the moment this morning when I realized that my actions are showing my little girl the wrong picture of being a Mommy, expecially a Mommy that loves God. In fact, I was showing her the wrong picture of God last night. Please Lord, help me to remember that realization and the sickness it brought to my stomach.
Which brings me to the second meaning of my title. How do I so easily forget how good it feels when I read my Bible and pray? In a time when I'm usually depressed (when Mr.W is out of town) I feel peace. I feel happy. How good it feels when I tell God that I no longer want to try and have control over my life. That I want Him to take care of it all. I don't want to worry about it anymore. He can take care of where we're heading next, whether he have another child or not, when we'll get our bills paid off. Not that I expect to sit back and do nothing. But there are just somethings it doesn't do to worry over. And I've been spending too much time on them. I don't want to hold on to the things of the past. My hurts, disappointments, feelings of failure. How can that help me in any way? I don't want to focus too much on the future. Where I spend so much time planning out what will happen with us, to have none of it come to pass just as I wanted it too...and then be disappointed all over again. No thank you! I want to focus on the now. My time with my friends and family. The joy I get watching my daughter grow up and learn. The love I feel when I see my husband playing with my daughter, building a bond..and memories. A bond that will help us stay strong as a family when he's deployed for long stretches.
I just want to feel lighter. Not hang on to all the pressure I was letting in my life. Pressure over nothing. And I feel that today. I feel lighter and it feels good.