Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Haven't I grown up at all?

GrrrThis here post is in regards to the Open House I just got back from. Am I not a grown up? Have I not matured at all since junior high?
I'm sitting in WK's classroom and I'm thinking, "What am I doing here? I shouldn't have a child old enough to be in school. I don't know what questions to ask, I don't know how to be the Mom of a school age child." I feel completely out of place, like I don't belong. I've long since had a problem with feeling like I belong some where, maybe this stems from that. I just feel unprepared, ALL THE EFFING TIME! I never felt like I knew what was going on when WK was a baby. I never feel like I know what I'm talking about with other military wives. I always felt like I was faking it at church, even though I love the Lord. I feel like a complete dolt! Like I'm stupid or something!
I just don't know what to do about this. I feel like I'm not teaching WK enough. Like I'm not preparing her for the world out there.
I'm waiting to talk to her teacher and I feel like I'm in trouble and waiting for the principal. I don't understand why I feel so intimidated by everyone. For pete's sake, I was intimidated by junior high kids when I worked at the coffee shop. I'd get embarrassed taking their order, like they were judging me. I swear by the time I was done talking to her teacher I was probably as red as the t-shirt I was wearing. Rolling EyesI don't like feeling like this, but I don't know how to change it.


EmilyJane said...

I know how you feel; I get to feeling intimidated for no apparent reason either. But don't worry--just the fact that you are concerned about all of this shows that you are NOT a dolt. (Great diction, btw. A true dolt would not use the word dolt, believe me.) Try not to let your inner "insecure voice" get the best of you. Weeks like this (first day of school, Ernesto, etc.) are harder, so take heart. :)

Manny said...

Hi Cuz....I understand what you are saying (though I have no children) and I know that it is hard to know what you are doing. I have learned in that past year or so to have confidence in myself and my choices. If no one likes it too bad for them. Just smile and wave. Don't forget to laugh at yourself every once in a while that really helps too lighten your mood!