Sunday, September 17, 2006

Plans change...

So, some of you know that Mr.Wonder and I have been discussing adding a WonderBun to the family. We had actually made the decision to try. Well, we really thought we might be this month...and it TERRIFIED us! I'm not just saying we were scared. Thinking we might be really made us realize how much we love our family the way it is. I've been dwelling on the decision of having another child so much lately.
I've realized it's because I'm afraid of having a life outside my daughter. I mean, now that she's starting school. I can go back to work or school. What if I decide to do that and totally eff it up! What if I suck at what I want to do?! How totally embarassing! What if I fail! I am so against failing...that's why I didn't try for any scholarships in high school, I never took AP classes (though I could have), I didn't take my SATs until June of my senior year. What if I really wanted to go to school and I totally blew my SATs and no one wanted me? Couldn't deal with that, so I just didn't do it. I ended up doing fairly well on the SATs (1210, yes, I'm bragging, but I'm very proud of that!) and had I taked them earlier in my high school career I could have gotten some help to go to school. I was just too afraid of failure. Rejection and failure, two of my worst fears....
I can't be totally mad at myself for not going to college, if I had I'd never have met Mr.Wonder and had WonderKid. Now that I have this time and opportunity, I want to try. But I am still at a loss as to what I'd want to do as a career...I had the same problem back in the day. I'm just so afraid of trying. I don't want to be. I guess that just means I need to try something!
Uh, this ended up being different than I thought it would. I just meant to talk about how we decided we're keeping our family the way it is...PERFECT, for us!


Michelle said...

I am glad that you two are happy with your decision...I am sure it was a tough one and maybe "trying" was what you needed to do to realize you are happy w/just the three of you. I also can't believe you got a 1210 on your SAT's!! I won't even tell you what I's embarrassing!!!

Danielle said...

i am also happy you made a decision. but do you gouys think that maybe you dont want one becuase you are scared about that also.

i think that is the problem with being scared all the never really know what you are scared about or if you just really dont want to do it (trust me i know)

but i am happy if that is what you to really want. either way i am sure ryelie will turn out to be the best kid cuz she has the best parents!

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