Doubts....

Those who know me well, know that I am the QUEEN OF DOUBTS! No one can take the title from me. This baby decision is KILLING me. I started having doubts yesterday (I'm surprised it took so long.) I'm trying to ignore them and think of all the reasons I do want another baby. I KNOW I can handle it, it's my vain selfish side that's whispering in my ear, "You're going to get fat, more stretch marks, poopy diapers to change, you're going to have to feed it, it'll be totally dependent on you (which was my biggest hurdle with Monkey,) you could not have another one and be totally done with that stuff, just start doing yoga and have a great body for the rest of you life, you could be the hot Mom." I'm not sure I want to give that side of me a foot hold. My selfishness has always been a big stumbling block for me and I've been working very hard at squashing it like the evil bug it is. My servants attitude has been being fine tuned in these last few months (won't go into details, no need) and I'm happy about that. I want to serve my family and friends. Be there for them when they need me. These doubts just keep creeping in there. And to top it off, Monkey says to me yesterday, "Mom I don't want a baby sister anymore, I'd rather have a dog." What do I do about these doubt and thoughts? Any advice on how to squash them?

School Pictures...

We just got Monkey's school pictures back. She even got one done with her best buddy Ryan. Apparently they asked to get their picture together, so they let them. And yes, they are holding hands. They don't play much outside of school, but I know she's going to miss him when we leave here. They even try and match their shoes somedays. They both have flame converse (his red, hers pink) and as you see in the pictures, they both have cowboy boots. The two of them really are funny together. You can also tell that Monkey's smile is much more genuine in the one with Ryan. You can Imagine Eric's face when he saw the pic and noticed that they were holding hands. Like he was thinking, "You better watch those hands boy!" He is going to have such a tormented life when it comes to her and boys. It will be fun to watch. Gotta run to the park. Hope you enjoy the pictures.

Taking a page...

...out of Boo's book. I've read an article on web safety, so I've decided to change the names of the people I mention most on my blog to protect the innocent. Hee Hee! I'll be going through my past posts and changing the names...rubbing them out, so to speak. So the new names will follow...(it would be the start of a new paragraph but my stinkin' computer won't let me hit enter while posting)...My Hubby will by Hunny. Daughter will be Monkey. Sisters will be Campbells, Pup, Yella and Boo. You know which ones you are. And the yet to be concieved will be #2 (who does #2 work for?). I am hilarious. Now I will go and change my posts. I am like whiteout! Go with God, Crispy!

SKELETOR!

This is an ultrasound of Monkey, in utero. I used to call her Skeletor, as I'm sure you can see why. =) I saw this (it sits on our desk) and just started thinking about when I was pregnant with her. I can't believe that in 4 short months she's going to be 5 years old. She started out the size of a grain of sand...that just totally blows my mind. It makes me wonder about all that I'll experience with this next pregnancy (not there yet). I thought about blogging my way through the 'trying to conceive' process. But I don't know if I want everyone to know right when I get pregnant. Having had a miscarriage the last time, I think I might want to keep it to myself until I pass that 'tricky' stage. I know it would be good to have the support if it did happen, but Hunny is really good at that kind of stuff. It was really hard to hear, "I'm sorry," or "Everything happens for a reason," over and over again. I don't know if I want to do that again. But on the other hand, that did show me how much people care (I hate being able to see both sides of EVERYTHING.) I'm very scared of having another miscarriage, not pleasant (even as early as I had it) and I totally feel for those ladies that have them farther along (Heathers). I can't imagine it and it scares me to death that I won't have to imagine it, that'll it'll happen to me. Though I think it would be fun to keep everyone updated on our progress. So, right now I'm 6DPO (6 Days Past Ovulation). We had two shots of getting pregnant in the 'fertile phase'. This second phase of waiting, basically, can last 12-16 days. If my temps stay up for 18 days or more than I'm pregnant. I'll keep you posted. Sorry if that was too much info for anyone (especially you Rand.) Talk to you all again soon.

What's best for her...decisions..

Trying to figure out what's best for you kids can be so hard! Right now we're working on trying to figure out where to get stationed next. We've been talking about Hawaii or 29 Palms, but lately I've started considering San Diego too. I haven't talked it over with Hunny yet, going to try and get a feel tonight. I figure in SD we'll have the beach like Hawaii but we'll still be in the states so it'll be easier to visit family and have them visit us. Also, Hawaii has year round school and they start on July 21st, so my hope of getting her in at the beginning of the school year wouldn't work, there's no way we could get there by then. So at least in the states school starts either end of August or beginning of September. Much easier on us. Also, my sister, Yella, is in San Diego so it would be nice to be close to her for a while. I have a friend in both the north side of Pendleton (San Clemente) and one in the southside (Oceanside) and they both love it. There should be a better selection of schools there too. I'm really hoping Hunny will be open minded about it. Please utter a prayer for us. I think I've mentioned San Diego as a possibility before and I don't think he liked the idea. I don't really remember why, so we shall see. I know things will work out how they're supposed to and I know we have another month before we can even start to figure this out. I'm just a planner, at least in my head. I like to know what's going on, guess this wasn't the best life to choose then. Oh well, I must have faith. Oh, and a praise, kind of. The way things are going with our bill paying, when Eric gets his re-enlistment bonus we should be able to pay off both cars and our smallest credit card. YEAH! We're on our way!

Good news...

Well, I wasn't going to tell anyone but then Hunny told his Mom and I told one of my sisters. Hunny and I have decided to start trying for another baby. The only way this is possible is because Hunny WANTS to do it. He has been firm up till now that he only wants Monkey. Thanks to the friends that have been praying for the situation. I knew if it was supposed to be that God would change his heart on the matter...and he did. God is so good! So we'll probably start right away. Since I've read up on the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) of birth control I know what signs to look for in terms of fertility. So we'll see if we're more successful, quicker. I don't think we'll try and plan what month we'll have it in, just see what comes. We don't care what we have either, though Ryelie is asking for a sister. That kid cracks me up! Out of curiousity...how many people actually read this thing? Is it even worth writing on?

Nothing special...

Not much going on here lately. Hunny and I did have a good conversation yesterday, but I don't really want to go into that. I've been up since 6 am (my temp time), just waiting to get a hold of Hunny. He had a nice night out with the boys last night (a repeat of Wed). We went to a friends and hung out till about 7 pm, then Monkey wanted to come home. So Hunny stayed and hung out and then came home and changed and went out some more. I don't mind really, I just wish that when I say I'm going out that I didn't get the sigh and eye roll. I mean, I'm not even going out drinking..I go to a movie or to a ladies night for MoPS. He knows he does it and shouldn't because he has tons more freedom than some of his other married buddies. He apologized for it the other night and said he'll try and be better. It just irks me that I get his grumpiness (from lack of sleep or lack of nicotine) taken out on me, when he seems to be able to control it just fine for Monkey. I know I shouldn't be complaining because I do have a wonderful husband. He makes me laugh (I love that!) and is incredibly sweet. We really do have a great relationship, we communicate and get along. When I see some of the stuff that can go on in relationships (especially military ones) I totally count my blessings. I am so lucky that God knew what he was doing when he put us together. So I guess that is something special.

Proud of me?

As some of you know, I got my cable turned back on. This is a big thing to my as I love TV. I was a little worried because I tend to become engrossed in it and then get irritated when I get interrupted (mainly by Monkey). I have been SO GOOD though. I never watch it during the day and I've even missed shows during primetime. I'm so proud of myself for dealing with this vise. I really hope that I can keep it up. No! I know I can.

Heredity can suck!

Poor Monkey! She woke up this morning with both of her eyes crusted over. My first thought was, "Oh crap, she's got pink eye!" But most pink eye cases I've heard of are in one eye and then transfered into the other. And there was no oozing after I cleaned off the crud. Then I thought it might be allergies. I usually don't have them but I do here and Hunny's are worse than my Dad's, and that's saying something. So we went to the store and got some children's Claritin. It took me an hour to get her to take it...but it seemed to help. She's so wiped out though, she took a long afternoon nap yesterday and she's taking one now...and for those that know my Monkey, that's BIG! I have an appointment tomorrow for her, just to be sure it's allergies. But with her runny nose and phlemy-ness, I'm pretty sure it is. Better safe than sorry though. Please say a prayer that she'll feel better.

The Monkey

I love these pictures of Monkey, so I had to post them. Apparently the one with "the face" is a face I make while dancing at times. I'm not sure that I believe that. Funny story, not funny ha ha, but funny cute....Monkey was laying on the couch this morning watching some TV (she was throwing up last night). Hunny was about to get in the shower. He came out and gave her a kiss and said to me, "I'm going to jump in the shower okay?" Monkey pipes up, "No jumping in the shower, Daddy. You could slip and get hurt." How sweet, right? Our little life saver.

School Buddies...

This is Monkey and Ryan. They met at preschool and became fast friends. Literally within the first week. I'm not sure what sparked the friendship but it's just blossomed. They're always together at school. Whenever they get in the class, they instantly start looking for the other one. We've gotten them together at the park after school. And they're both very depressed that they won't be in the same Kindergarten class. It's cute to see them together. They're also both only children so it's fun watching them interact with each other and work out they're problems. Though Monkey is a big softy with him, as soon as Ryan starts pouting Monkey will do anything he wants. It's good to see that she has that in her. She's like her Mom, wants to make everyone happy or feel better. I'll admit that's not always a good thing. I am so glad that I enrolled her in this preschool and I can only hope and pray that the rest of her schooling experiences are as good as this one has been.

Not so sleepy night...

Last night was rough. Monkey kept getting up like every hour and half. I finally let her crash in our room till she was out, put her in her room and she was out for the rest of the night. Wish I'd thought of that before having to get up like 5 times. (The picture is old but I just think it's so funny how much alike those two are. It's crazy.) Thankfully I got a few hours in after that so I'm feeling okay for now. Still haven't showered yet. I hate those days when I know I have to do stuff but I just don't want to.

A break through...

Monkey tried spghetti...and LIKED it. We had it for dinner last night and she was having a turkey sandwich. I asked her if she would politely take a bite and if she didn't like it she didn't have to eat anymore and that if she did she could have more if she wanted. She took a bite, loved it and had a little bowl with her sandwich and carrots. She also asked for it today for lunch, but I didn't have anymore. I'm hoping that this may be the beginning of a new trend. I really want her to start trying new stuff and it seems to slowly be happening. I think the more that I've focused on it the more she rebels against it. If I act like it's no big deal she's usually more willing to try it. YEAH! Say a prayer for us on this long journey.

A book worth reading...

I read this book today (yes, the whole book). It's called Dinner with a Perfect Stranger, An invitation worth considering, by David Gregory. What a dynamite book!! I know I come on here all the time and plug books, but I got this one on a whim. I saw it in my MoPS magazine so I checked to see if the library had it. I wasn't, like, burning to read it or anything. Looked liked something to pass the time. Here's what the back cover says...What would you discuss over dinner with Jesus? That's the dilemma facing cynical but successful businessman Nick Cominsky when he accepts an invitation to join Jesus of Nazareth for dinner at a local restaurant. The man sitting across from him appears to be quite serious, introducing himself as "Jesus. My family called me Yeshua." Nick accepts his dinner companion's suggestion to suspend his disbelief and "proceed as if I am Jesus." What follows is a fascinating conversation that covers family relationships, world religions, and the afterlife, among other topics. Along the way, Nick confronts his own unfulfilled longings, spiritual uncertainties, and anger with God--and he begins to wonder is the man across form his holds the answers to his deepest questions. It's obviously fiction...but there is so much in there that I didn't know about my faith. Things that confirm stories from the Bible and a greater understanding of other faiths. I encourage all (whether you share my faith or not) to pick up this book. It's very short, about 150 pages. I think I'm going to have Hunny read it...he says there are things about my faith that he doesn't understand and I think that this book covers them all. It really is an awesome book. It's helped to give me a peek into the heart of Jesus and what he really wants from and for us. I really hope you'll check it out and let me know what you think of it.

Let's start this thing...

Heather and Stephanie, I liked your idea on here so much, I'll start my own. It'll be nice to let family check this to see what's going on, no matter where we end up. I also like that you can share pictures on this, which you can't do on the livejournal site. So that site just may have seen it's last day. I want this to be a place that I can share my heart and blessing of my life with the family and friends I wish I were closer to. So, I'll be on here soon to start my "real posts", but right now I need to get the little girlie up and ready for school. Talk to you all soon and I hope this works out.