Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I am SO the drama...

Will the gulit ever go away????? I keep contemplating having another child, even though neither Eric or Rye want one. And everytime I see a baby, I think, "Eh." But I just feel like I should want one, even though I don't. Does that make any sense? I love being past the diapers and spit up. I love not having to potty train anymore. I know I've got new challenges ahead...tying her shoes, reading. I'm scared to death of them, but I'm okay with it. I just want to move past this feeling. Like I've failed my daughter or my husband. Even though both of them are okay with how things are. I feel like a complete loser when I'm feeling this way. I keep focusing on what life could be like (with or without a 2nd kid) instead of being happy with the life I have now. I've been praying about it constantly, but I feel like I'm getting no where. I'm just frustrated so I thought venting on here may help. It has. I'll stop now.

1 comment:

dani said...

you crack me up...its funny how you start this big tyraid and then just all of a sudden stop. but that is what this thing is for to discuss your feelings and vent your frustration.

because you arent completely sure you want one might be Gods way of telling you you arent ready for one right now.

its better to not have one and want one then to have one and not want it! there are people in this world who have kids just because and they dont take care of them...that is one thing i cannot stand, such as getting pregnant and then trhowing the baby in the garbage. i want to tell everyone who ever thinks of throwing it in the garbage just to bring it to me and i will take care of it.

oh i guess i am ranting so i will stop now.