Thursday, March 30, 2006

Doubts....

Those who know me well, know that I am the QUEEN OF DOUBTS! No one can take the title from me. This baby decision is KILLING me. I started having doubts yesterday (I'm surprised it took so long.) I'm trying to ignore them and think of all the reasons I do want another baby. I KNOW I can handle it, it's my vain selfish side that's whispering in my ear, "You're going to get fat, more stretch marks, poopy diapers to change, you're going to have to feed it, it'll be totally dependent on you (which was my biggest hurdle with Monkey,) you could not have another one and be totally done with that stuff, just start doing yoga and have a great body for the rest of you life, you could be the hot Mom." I'm not sure I want to give that side of me a foot hold. My selfishness has always been a big stumbling block for me and I've been working very hard at squashing it like the evil bug it is. My servants attitude has been being fine tuned in these last few months (won't go into details, no need) and I'm happy about that. I want to serve my family and friends. Be there for them when they need me. These doubts just keep creeping in there. And to top it off, Monkey says to me yesterday, "Mom I don't want a baby sister anymore, I'd rather have a dog." What do I do about these doubt and thoughts? Any advice on how to squash them?

1 comment:

Heather said...

:) It is always difficult. I cried when I first found out I was expecting Ayden. I thought "this is IMPOSSIBLE!!". Believe me...the Lord knew what He was doing by not giving me a choice in the matter because I would NOT have decided on a 4th so quickly. There will ALWAYS be doubts. There is always going to be something that appears to be more attractive on the otherside...no matter which side you pick. Ask the Lord to make His desire CLEAR in your desire. What I have found (as far as time) is that I have PLENTY of time...I just manage it better with the more children I have. I get MORE done now than ever because I have to manage my time. If I did not have to manage my time well, I would just piddle it away...at least that's what I did before kids. My house is cleaner, we eat better food, get outside more, we are more creative, relish our couple time more, depend on God more, Brian tries to "pamper" me more etc... Yes, more diapers, less sleep -in the beginning, but more blessings as well. Stressed out days? Of course, but I have grown tremendously due to stressful days. You are plenty young enough too Kim...you have time to wait as well. Maybe just think about how much time you REALLY want to yourself, think about what you want to accomplish in your days that will bring about happiness, blessing and reward. Matt 10:39 says "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." If it is the Lord's will for you to have another child, there is tremendous blessing and reward for the time sacrificed to raise him/her to love the Lord. I will be praying for the Lord's will to be made clear!! :)