Tough Decisions

I've made the decision that I won't be going home this summer for my reunion. I know I may upset some people with it but I have to do what's best for me, right? It gets costly buying tickets and having spending money while there every year. This was a super tough decision for me because though, the reunion isn't THAT big a deal, seeing my best friends, my sisters, is. I won't be home until summer of 2007 (which will be all 3 of us) and that will be the longest I've ever gone without visiting home. I hope my sisters will understand the decision. I don't want to upset anyone, but I'm sure I will. This is one of the hardest parts of military life for me. I end up so far away from the ones I love. I know once we get our bills paid off I'll be able to travel there more often, but that seems so far away. I love you guys and I hope you know that not coming will be super hard for me, but it' s best.

4 more years...

Well, the package came back this week saying that Hub could re-enlist. So on Wednesday the 31st, he'll be heading up to Battalion to the career planners (Hub calls him the Career Jammer) office to do his re-enlistment ceremony. He doesn't need anything fancy...just wants to get it done. We've been talking a lot about what we're going to do over the next few years and where we want to go. There is some confusion about our bonus size...Hub heard it was a multiple of 1.5 but the Jammer told him it was a multiple of 1, so he's checking on it for him. Don't ask me what it means, I have no clue, but I know it's a difference of about $5,000. So let's hope for the former, shall we? Even though we won't get it. Ah, the military. I've been much less stressed since we've figured everything out. Waiting on God to take care of things is hard, but definitely worth the wait. Let's hope I realize that sooner next time, for I am sure there will be one. Things have been really good here. The Kid had a sleep over and Hub and I had some "us time" yesterday evening. We went to a BBQ at a friends and watched the UFC fights. Can't wait for the next one. I'm such a goober, I actually like those things. We're in one of the good times, which in military life can sometimes come few and far between, especially when they're deployed. I'm glad we have another year of not having to worry about that. There is at least one school Hub wants to go to within this year and he may be going to Rota, Spain in August to help train over there for 3 weeks. I think these mini-trips (if you will) are good. Not that I want him to leave, they still suck and I miss him desperately, but I think they will help the Kid in the long run. I know when we leave here not soon after we go where ever we're going, he'll be deploying for at least 6 months. When that time comes I can tell her, "Remember when Daddy took those trips for work? He always came back, right? He'll be back again. We can get through this together." Here's hoping she believes me. I know already that those times are going to be so hard for her. She already cries if he has to stay the night at work for Ops. "I don't want Daddy to work. I want him to come home," have been heard from her mouth many times. I'm so happy that she's feeling that need for him. There are still times where she doesn't listen to him or give him the cuddle time he wants with her. Like she's afraid he'll leave or that she's holding it back from him as a punishment. We're trying to explain that when he leaves it doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with us or that he doesn't love us anymore. That it's part of his job and nothing more. That he's rather be home hanging out with us than anything else. Let's hope that as she gets older she'll be able to understand it better, even if she doesn't like it.

Moving up & on...

Well, as of today...the Kid is offically no longer a preschooler. We had her end of year party for school today. We went to a gymnastic place and the Kid had a good time. She was a little grumpy, but what else ins new. She'll be starting Kindegarten this coming fall and it scares the living crap out of me. She's growing up on me and it's freaking me out. Like I don't see enough of this in the day to day stuff. Things she says, the attitudes or airs she puts on...she's like an actual person now. Not that she wasn't before. I think of her tying her shoes, reading, taking the bus and it makes me want to cry. She's actually doing math people!! She's adding in the back seat...going, "Mom, what's one plus one make?" "Count on your fingers hun." "One and one make...one, two. One and one make two!" This was out of the blue...she just started it a couple of days. I am so amazed at her. She blows my mind. There are days I get so irritated and wonder why I ever had kids...but one smile from her and I'm done. Her and her Daddy are much the same in that way. They can both un do me with a smile....and they both know it. I have such a great family! I hope I can remember that more often. If I stay away from that evil substance known as caffeine...otherwise known as...the devil in liquid form.

Happy Family!

Well, the news is in. We will be here in Virginia for another year. Hub will not be able to re-enlist for orders, which means we can't leave within the next 6 months. He can re-enlist and then get orders when he's 6 months from leaving here (in December or January). The only thing that sucks about this is that he'll have to deal with his new monitor, who is a complete jerk off. But that's okay, we can deal with that when we got to it. Hub thinks it would still be easier to try and get 29 Palms over Hawaii, but we're going to try for Hawaii first. We'd really like to be stationed with our friends Buck & Layla if we can. If the monitor tells us no, then we'll request 29. It's just such a relief to know what's going on. I can now sign up for MoPS again next year, because I know we'll be here. I can know that the Kid will be able to keep her friendship with little Ryan from class growing through the summer at the pool (though not at ours, as it cost us $2 a day for a guest, what crap!). I know that my Moms can come and visit me in July like planned, I'm really looking forward to that. I know that with Hub's bonus (which he can get re-enlisting this way too) I'll be able to fly home in July for my reunion too. I'm so excited about that. We'll be able to pay of one of the cars and put a big chunk on the other one and we'll be able to put a bit in savings. And staying here, we'll have another year of having extra left over from our BAH, that we can put toward the rest of our bills. If we do end up with order to Hawaii next year, we'll have friends there to help us with the transition and we'd be able to try and get orders before their school year starts in July. So, everything is working out right. I know I should have trusted God more. I know he was teaching me through this. I just need to be more willing to learn these things. And open my eyes and heart to them. Since I know we're staying here, I want to find a church and have us start going more. I really think we need that, and maybe find one that has a women's bible study so that I can meet with a smaller group and get to know more people. The Kid seems to like the one we go to now (every so often), but it's a bit of a drive and with gas prices, though I guess with not having to drive over there 3 times a week for her preschool, we could probable keep attending there. And they do have a Women's Bible study on Tuesday...sorry, I'm starting to ramble. Anyway, I just wanted to share that things are much more settled. As soon as Hub's request to re-enlist comes back from headquarters, he'll be able to submit his package and we'll officially be apart of the Marine Corps family for another 4 years. I'm actually looking forward to it. I have some plans for this next year but I'm not going to share them at this time until they are more developed.
Oh, and as you can see I can post pictures again, thanks to Boo for telling me how to get that all situated. Maybe you should tell Pup what you had me do so she can do them at home too. Just a thought.

When I grow up, I want to be...

I know, I know...there are alot of little girls that would like to be Wonder Woman, or guys wanting to be with her, for that matter. But I seriously love the character of Wonder Woman. Would I be able to get away with the outfit, probably not...but to be able to do things without fear. To fight crime and make the world a better place...heck yeah! Bracelets that deflect bullets, sign me up. I don't need to deflect real bullets, but harsh words or thoughts, how cool would it be to be able to flip your wrists up and fling that stuff right back at who ever sent it at you? How empowering that would be. I want to be a good mother...I'm not too worried about the wife thing, I've got that down pretty good. I have a great relationship with Hub...but with the Kid. I feel bad for her sometimes, having me as a Mom. I'm not trying to have a pity party...I just know that I don't have the patience that I'd like. It's gotten a little easier lately...I've been praying every morning for God to help through just one day. To be what she needs just for that day...it seems to be working. I want to be the best for her. That's what she deserves. She's such a great kid. A little chatty, but great. =) That's what's been hardest for me, she is always talking. Never stops! It's weird because I know I used to talk a lot and those that have seen me once I've consumed Caffeine know that I can still talk a lot. I actually used to talk really fast too. My sister's used to joke that I was like Six from Blossom...remember her? But now a days...not that much into talking when I'm around the house, but not the Kid. If she could talk 24 hours a day, she'd do it. No really, I'm not kidding around. I want to be able to take all that in stride. I want to be Wonder Woman, gosh darnit! Can't I just have this one little thing? Please!

Dear, Diary

Dear Diary,
Today was the most sassy day at school! Boo didn't speak to me all day. I swiftly forgot my homework for math class. My new friend Hub isn't talking to me anymore. And to top it all off, I forgot my lunch, so I had to borrow money to buy lunch. I hate borrowing money, I hate forgetting my homework, and I hate it when my friends don't talk to me! Holy Hot Shorts Batman!! I hope tomorrow is a better day!
Dear Diary,
Everything was much better today. Boo wasn't mad at me; she was just upset because her parents would not let her go to a party. She was spritely toward everyone. My math teacher said she'd only take one point off my homework because this was the only time I'd ever forgotten anything. She said everyone makes hot pink mistakes sometimes. My new friend Hub is talking to me. He was just busy helping out a sick friend. He had to gather all of his friend's homework. My friend who loaned me the money for lunch yesterday said I didn't have to pay him back, because I had loaned him money for lunch a while ago. I hope every day is a good as today!
Go ahead. Make your own madlib!! You know you want to.

This sucks!

I have recently been reminded that I have not posted in a while. Jes, I know this! I had a post all set for Mom's Day, but I couldn't upload the pics to go with it. And since then I have tried almost everyday to post pics on this thing and..I CAN'T DO IT! It's really becoming quite frustrating. I know I have dial-up and that I need high speed internet and if we end up having to stay here another year, we'll get it...but you'd think they'd maket his thing compatible with different internet connections. I'm not the only one with this problem...I know of others. So this isn't even a great post...it's just ranting about this stupid thing!!! I want to take a bat to my computer every time I get on this blogger thing. RRRRRrrrrrr!
I'll fill you in on our re-enlistment ordeal later today after I've talked to Hub, who is supposed to be talking with the career planner today.

It's one of those spa meals, from lean cuisine...

You've seen those commercials, right? The first 3 laides ramble off these weird dinners and the last lady tells of this amazing dinner...and it's lean cuisine (like those things actually taste THAT GOOD.) That's me, not the last lady, rewind it a little and there I am. Amongst those first 3 ladies. For breakfast today I had 12 grapes, half a bag of hickory beef jerky and half a glass of apple grape juice. Don't ask me why I had it. I came home from my jog and it sounded good. The Kid is at school, so it's not like I was distracted or busy. I don't think I will ever be one of those chicks that eat healthy. I cringe at the terms non-fat, skim or fat free. What is the point of creamer or cheese without the fat. Fat is the spice of life! I may have healthy meals once in a while, just cuz it might sound good but, I am forever a weird meal lady!

Mounting frustration...

What is the point of planning anything (mentally or physically) when your husband is in the military???? There isn't one!!! It never goes as planned, NEVER! Hub was told today by the career planner that his recommendation did go up through the chain. He can still submit his request for the lat move but there's a 99% chance that he won't get it. I just assumed that since he passed the board (albeit barely) that he'd get the move. I guess not. So, he's submitting the request but he's not planning on it going through. That means he stays in the infantry and we figure out where we want to go. Upside, we'll probably go back to the west coast...downside, there go all our plans of paying off our bills. We're still going to pay them off, it's just oging to take way longer. I know God has his plans and that he'll take care of us no matter where we go...I don't know why this is affecting me so bad. I serioulsy feel like bawling my eyes out right now. It's like they're telling me that Hub isn't good enough for them, when they'd be lucky to have him. He'd be perfect for that job. I know he's upset, though he's acting like it's no big deal. I just had all these plans and now they're gone. Poof! Just like that! Am I supposed to learn something from this? Don't count your chickens before they're hatched!? I just want a better life for us. Is that too much to ask? Could I feel any lower?

Positive Polly

So, I'm trying something new. I'm tryin out a little thing called, "being positive." Have you ever heard of it? I know, I know...it's not a very popular thing these days. But I'm trying to help it make a comeback. So, in this post, I'm going to list some things about myself that I like...hard to believe but there are a few things I don't put myself down about. I won't even put the "things I want to improve on" list at the end of the "things I like" list...even though part of my is dying to. So here are the things I like about me (I'm not sure how long this list will be, as I'm flying by the seat of my pants right now.) I love:
1. My hair! I've been doing this new natural thing where I'm embracing the waves. It's nice not to have to blow dry after every shower.
2. The way I look when I actually do my make-up. I feel like a hot momma!
3. The way I make friends for life. I'll be the first to admit that I don't make good friends that easily...but once I do, I won't let go of them. They may let go of me sometimes, but I always think of them at odd moments...I guess that's called loyalty.
4. My memory. I am great at remembering things...commercials, movie lines, people's name and faces, funny stories and, sadly, gossip.
5. My sense of humor. I love that I get goofy and dorky. That I still think it's hilarious to do "Mr. Peepers" to Eric, just to make him laugh.
6. That I love movies. I love them all which means I relatively easy to please. I love that something so simple is such an escape for me.
7. That I'm not afraid of admitting when I need help or prayers. I know I'm not perfect and to be totally honest, I don't think I want to be. How boring that would be!
8. My laugh. It's so retarded it's funny. I even get a snort in there sometimes. I get embarrassed sometimes, but I get over it quick.
9. That I can forgive and forget pretty quickly/easily. When someone apologizes to me, I usually take it at face value and move on. Usually forgetting what I was mad about soon there after.
10. That I am quick to ask forgiveness. My sisters used to say I was a suck up because I'd apologize fairly quickly when I'd upset my Mom. God was just kind enough to give me a heart that sees it's wrongs right away. I hate hurting people and I love that I'm not afraid to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

I'll stop there. I don't want you all to think I'm that into myself. =) I've decided to make this a tag you're it type thing. If I list your name you have to post on your blog or email me 10 things you like about yourself. I think this will be a great way for us to focus on some of the positive in our places of venting. So, I tag...
Heather Y
Heather G
Michelle
Stephanie
Beth
Dani
Shari
Liz
Randy (the only dude to read this blog) I love you man!

14 things about my Mom...

I was tagged...Here are 14 things I love about my Mom....
1. She love to smile.
2. She has a sensitive heart.
3. She loves to do for others.
4. She raised 5 crazy girls & and helped to make 5 wonderful women.
5. She's loved my Dad for almost 40 years (not that hard though, Daddy's great!)
6. She loves God, even if she doesn't make it to church all the time.
7. She loves to laugh.
8. She makes beautiful quilts, she has such a gift.
9. She loves to plan (even if it doesn't all get done.)
10. She gives great hugs (and loves to teach the kids how to give them too!)
11. She's always willing to open her home up to us when we need it.
12. She loves her family, even when we forget to show that love back to her.
13. She makes the best deviled eggs & potato salad, EVER!
14. She's always willing to forgive.
Happy Mother's Day Moms!
Ok, I tag...
Michelle
Beth
Steph
Heather (sister)
Surcie

The following is an exerpt from the book Delight in you Child's Design by Laurie Winslow Sargent...

To get a better sense of your child's uniqueness and significance from the moment of conception, you might try personalizing Psalm 139:13-16. You might even retype it, inserting you child's name, and then post it on your refrigerator:
"For you created [my child's] inmost being; you knit [him/her] together in my...womb. I praise you because [my child] is fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. [My child's] frame was not hidden from you when [he/she] was made in the secret place. When [he/she] was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw [his/her] unformed body. All the days ordained for [my child] were written in your book before one of them came to be."

I just thought this was really cool. I plan on putting it on my refrigerator. I think it will help me to remember just on special the Kid really is.

Poem

I read this poem on a friend's myspace page. It clicked with me. First it made me think of my little sister. But then, it made me realize that this is how I want to feel. I want to be satisfied with making a home and raising the Kid. My shadow of myself never had dreams, I still don't feel like I do...I just want to be happy.

She came tonight as I sat alone..
The girl I used to be....
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?
The great career,the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past..
The girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs..
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robes is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls,
For the dear ones who come and go
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman that I am now..
Pleased the girl I used to be.

Will I ever be happy with where I am? At any given time? Do I need to get a job and work to feel fulfilled? Will having more children give me what I'm looking for? I feel so lost most of the time and I don't like the feeling. I just don't know anymore...

I might be just a little bit crazy!

I know, you're thinking, Kim? Crazy? How could this be? I must be. I think I've become addicted to exercise...not in an anorexic sort of way. Yesterday I did my Core Secrets ab and butt workout and I am dying today. But did that stop my from doing my jog today? No! It was actually one of my best jogs yet. I only walked one block right in the middle. I liked the feeling of tightness in my legs while I was running, like I could feel the muscles toning up. After all that's what I'm after. I don't want to lose weight, technically I'm underweight for my height, which I don't understand, as I eat like a pig. I just want to firm up my butt and upper thighs, maybe tight my abs a bit too. Nothing crazy. I just love the way it makes me feel. I actually feel bummed if I don't get to take a walk everyday (that's not including my jog, on jog days.) The jog is for exercise, the walk is for my peace of mind. I listen to music that helps me embrace God...to think of all he does for me. Maybe that sounds too spiritual, but it's true. I pray and sing in my head while I walk..it centers me.
I might not be taking one tonight, not sure if my legs will hold up. I may not be able to walk tomorrow, but I'm okay with that. It's a good kind of pain.
So, am I a little crazy? What do you think?

7 Common Sins

As promised here are a few little things from the book The 7 Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, by Carolyn White. I know most that read this have more than one child but I think these are 'sins' that we can commit even with more children, trust me, I've seen it. The 7 sins are: Overindulgence, Overprotection, Failure to Discipline, Overcompensation, Seeking Perfection, Treating your Child as an Adult and Overpraising. Carolyn says that a lot of these sins happen because of the guilt parents feel for only having one child. Whether you feel guilty because you can't physically have one (even though you'd like to) or even if you've made the conscious decision to have only one child(like we have)...you can still feel guilty. Like, I sometimes feel I'm jipping the kid out of a little brother or sister (which she still asks for). I may feel this way for the rest of my life, I'll never know. There are times that I'm totally okay with my decision...there are times I doubt. So anyway, I think the sins are pretty self explanatory. The book goes a lot into giving examples and such. At the end of each section she does give you advice on how to avoid these sins. So I thought I'd write a few of these down. This may end up being a little long. So here we go, ways to avoid:
Overindulgence
- Don't try and give your child everything you didn't have growing up. She doesn't know what she's missing.
- Allow your child to do things "wrong." Let him learn from his mistakes, as long as it doesn't endanger him.
- Be good to yourself as well as you child. Make time for you. Your child will respect you for it.
- Learn to say no and mean it. Don't let your 4 year old litigator convince you to change what you know it best for her.
- Teach you child the value of money by encouraging her to work. Whether it be babysitting or doing extra chores for you.
Overprotection
- Discuss trust with your child. Have faith that your family's values system will inform your child's decisions as she grows.
- Let you child solve problems on her own. Don't always be there to pick up the pieces.
- Be cognizant of your child's true abilities at different stages of development. Give her opportunities to have adventures and opportunities to fail.
- Be aware of those times when it's important to let go. Then ease up without letting your child feel your fear. Let him find out how well he can manage on his own.
Failure to Discipline
- Honor the difference between discipline and punishment. You don't have to punish unless discipline falls apart.
- Rules should be clear and reasonable. Make the consequences of not following the rules just as clear. Your being a pushover will only make everyone miserable.
- Remember, meaningful discipline will not happen overnight.
- Children and parents are not created equal. We have more privileges than they do because we have earned them. They must earn theirs too.
- Reward good behavior. We all need the spiritual boost that positive reinforcement gives.
Overcompensation
- Don't compare you family to other families. Every family is different.
- Remember, having a sibling does not guarantee a constant companion for your child. As children grow older, they can grow apart and they may even dislike eachother.
- When friends and family make negative comments about only children, say, "Our family is perfect just the way it is." Educate them about only children.
Seeking Perfection
- Work on knowing who your child really is, instead of who you want them to be.
- separate love and approval. One does not depend on the other.
- Accept the fact that your child will sometimes make poor decisions and that she will learn from them. Perfection is for God, not humans.
Treating your kid like an Adult
- Work on making your home a place where your kid can be a kid.
- Don't give you child too much information about your relationship with your spouse. She only need to know that your there to guide and protect her.
- Children are not equipped to make adult decisions with you.
- Create boundaries. When your tempted to make your child part of your marriage or marital conflicts, think again. Remember that your child loves you both and shouldn't be made to choose.
Overpraising
- Make praise specific and descriptive.
- Offer constructive criticism along with specific praise.
- When your child tires something difficult, say things like, "Do your best, and don't be afraid if it doesn't work out. You can always try again." But saying, "Of course, you can do it" doesn't tell her you fully understand the elements of doing something tough. You're more likely to overwhelm her with pressure rather than giving her the confidence she needs.

Okay, well that's it. It's a really good book. For those with onlies (or with only one living with them) it's a must read. I'm so glad I read it. Hope this wasn't too boring.

4 weeks left...

I was looking at the calendar this morning...there are only 4 more weeks left of the kids school. It seems like it just started. I think on one had the kid will be sad, but she'll be excited too. She keeps asking if school is over yet because she really wants to go up to Grandma and Grandpa's house. She serioulsly asks me all the time to go up there. It's cute. I'm glad she's has a good, comfortable relationship with at least one group of grandparents. Not that it's my folks fault at all, we just don't see them as much. Though she is getting better at talking about them too and talking to Mom on the phone sometimes. I just can't believe that schools almost over. Totally weirding me out.

Kindergarten, here we come!

Well, the kid (formerly known as Monkey) had her physical for Kindergarten yesterday. It went surprisingly well. She did very well when they weighed and measured her. She is 41.5 inches tall, she's grown 2.5 inches this year (and 2 of that was inthe first 6 months.) She weighs 34 pounds, it would have been more than that butI have a feeling her puking the day before helped any. She's usually 35 or 36 when I weigh her at my friends house. The only hard part was her shots. She had to get 2, one in each leg...which she tells everyone, now that it's over. She got all mad when I told Hub (formerly known as Hunny) about it on the phone. She goes, "Mom, I'm supposed to tell him, give me the phone." She only cried when the guy got up close to her to do it. Soon as he was done, she was fine. This morning however, her legs were a little stiff and sore...she was so dramatic about it. It was hilarious. Like she woke up crippled or something. She wouldn't take any Tylenol to help ease the pain. So I put some warm wash cloths on them for a little bit and that seemed to help. When she got up off the floor from eating her cereal...she said excitedly, "Mom, I can get up on my own!" Like she'd been delivered a miracle from heaven. So we just have to get her a hearing test and she's set for school next year. I know we'll probably end up in NC but I'm hoping they won't make her take another physical, that the Virginia one will be enough. I don't see why not.