Sick Day

Today has been tough. Monkey has thrown up about 10 times today. And every time her tiny, skinny, little body contricts while she's heaving, my heart breaks. God has given me an extra measure of compassion and patience for her today. Normally when she doesn't feel good, she gets all whiney and I just get irritated. Today she was so quiet though. I hate that it takes days like this to make me see how irritable I usually get with her. I don't want to be one of those Mom's that is always cranky with her kids, kid in my case. I thought taking the caffeine and cutting some of the sugar out of my diet would help with my irritability. But so far it hasn't seemed to help. I keep praying that I'll change, or at least learn to control it as I did my temper. I just don't know how to go about it, or what to do. It's all very frustrating. It seems as though Monkey is getting better though. She's wanting to eat and has only thrown up once in the last 2 hours. I just hope that this extra 'stuff' I have enough of today will last through tomorrow when Monkey has her physical at the hospital. I hope that goes well.

Affirmation

You know how I posted that verse today, the one that kind of jumped out at me this morning while doing my reading. Well, if I had any doubt in my mind that I need to know that verse and hide it in my heart it was put to rest this afternoon. When I was driving to pick up Monkey from school I was listening to KLOVE (positive, encouraging KLOVE), the only Christian station I've found around here. And a girl got on and and talked about this exact verse and how it has been her verse since high school...how it's helped her through lots of times, reminding her that when she trusts in God and his thankful for what he does for her that her life just makes more sense (I paraphrased that). It really made me happy that I listened when God told me that this was the verse for me right now. Don't you love when that happens. I'd read the verse before, but I think this translation put it into a new light for me. Just wanted to share.

Teacher Conference

So, I went to Monkey's school a little early today and had a conference with her teacher. Who is totally awesome. She's one of the sweetest ladies I've ever met and Monkey just adores her. I think enrolling her in this preschool was one of the best decisions I've ever made. So, back to the story. The conference went great. I always have the feeling going into these things like I'm waiting to see the principal, you know that feeling? I get so nervous, like they're going to tell my kid is from the devil and I should really think about putting her back in the womb. Of course, if they said this I would think they were smoking something at recess, as my daughter is an angel sent straight from heaven. But I digress...Mrs. Stolz said that Monkey is improving so much. That just recently it's like everything is clicking with her. She thinks this may be because she's one of the younger in the class. She told me that Monkey is always on a very even keel. That she doesn't have many 'outbursts' in class and she's usually in a good mood. And that since her little buddy, Ryan, left that she's been doing great with playing with new kids. She said that when he was here that it was usually him being more dependant on her. Go figure, my little girl is independant. She gave me a sheet that lets me know what areas I need to continue to encourage in. We still need to work on her letters a little, writing and recognizing them. When we move I need to be better about getting her to memorize our phone number and address. So she can tell someone if she's in trouble or needs me. Mrs. Stolz had some nice comments she added on here about Monkey...I must share a few.
"Monkey is a sweet girl. She is always a happy child."
"Monkey has made great strides."
"Monkey is really making progress. She is really doing well with numbers."
I am so proud of her. It was nice to be albe to talk with Mrs. Stolz. We chatted about the upcoming move and how I can make that and Hunny's leaving easier on her. She gave me a lot of helpful tips to strengthen Hunny and Monkey's relationship before he leaves again. So I'll be happy to share this with Hunny when he gets home this evening. Ah, and it's his story time tonight. Bonding!
bunny trail: I bought a new camera and camcorder (one of the cool ones that records straight onto DVD) today so we can start getting pictures and video of the two of them together so she has something to see him with while he's gone.

Well, he did it...

..just barely, but he did it. Hunny has now been recommended (with reservation) to be moved into the counter-intel field. What that means is that his board didn't go perfect, but they think he has that potential to do well in the field. He said it was just basically them telling you how much you sock for 3 hours. He said as long as he got in, he's cool. He's just going to have to work extra hard at the school when he goes. He agreed with me that at least now he has no where to go but up. I know he can do this and I'm glad that their tearing him down hasn't made him doubt that. He's just that much more determined to prove himself. That's so like him.
I wasn't really prepared for all of this to work out. Not that I didn't think he'd make it...I'm just so freaked out right now. We could be moving within 2 months. That seems so fast. They told him there's a 90% chance we'll be going to Camp Lejune in North Carolina. That once he re-enlists we'll probably get PCS (Permanent Change of Station) orders, we'll go down to Lejune and he'll do OJT (On the Job Training) until the next school comes up. Then he'll leave us in Lejune and come back up here for school (which is 4 months long). There are ups and downs to this. The ups, Monkey won't have to change schools in the middle of the year and we'll most likely get all settled before he leaves. And the fact that we're not PCSing across the country means he can come home some weekends (not all though, I want him concentrating on school). The downs, I'll be by myself again and have to try and explain it to Monkey...the 2 weeks he went to England was hard...I don't know how we'll do with 4 months. But on the other hand, it'll give us a short taste of what we'll be doing alot of while he's in the job...waiting for him to come home. The biggest up of this job, when he finishes school and we get our bonus, it will pay off all of our bills, every single one. We will be living our lives completely free of debt. We are so excited about this, I can't even begin to describe how I feel about it.
Anyway, so within the next couple of weeks his stuff will go through the career planner and up the chain, then he'll re-enlist, get his orders and find out when his school will be. So we'll know how long we'll have together in Lejune before he leaves. I'll keep you all informed on it. I'm trying not to worry too much. I've found a wonderful verse this morning that I'm trying to commit to memory (I have it posted everywhere, the fridge, the car visor, the computer screen, the bathroom mirror).
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

The big, hubungous...

...ginormous day is upon us! Tomorrow Hunny will be going before the formal board about joining the counter intelligence field. It will be at 9am our time until who knows when. If you guys could say a prayer for him when you think about it, we would really appreciate it. Hunny likes to pretend that it'll be no big deal if he doesn't get it, but I know he'll be heart broken. I'm so nervous for him. I know God's will will be done and that if he's meant to get it, he will. And please say a big prayer that if he does get this job that we can go to SD. Hunny thinks they'll probably send him to Lejune since it's closest...I can't stand the humidity over here....please please please, not there. I'd even be okay with Okinawa, just not down here. Anyway, keep hunny in your thoughts tomorrow. I'll let you guys know what I know when I know it.

leaps & bounds

Well, apparently the brilliant charts I made are having a positive influence on Monkey. Friday when I picked her up from the preschool, her teacher said that Monkey continues to surprise her everyday with how much she knows and doesn't let on about it. In layman's terms, that means that she'd rather have you do something for her or tell her the answer and not put too much effort into it. =) Her teacher asked if I'd been doing anything new and I told her about the new charts. She said they were a great idea and that I'm teaching her independence and it's showing through into other stuff. She's not acting up as much. Seems like she's wanting to show how much of a big girl she is. She's being better about talking in a nice voice when she's upset. I've seen such changes in her in the last few days. Here's hoping that it lasts.
And today, Monkey learned how to buck her shoulder seat belt that goes through her booster seat, ALL BY HERSELF! I can't believe how big she's getting. Pretty soon I'll be hearing, "Mom, can I borrow the car? I've got a date." (sob sob) The time just goes by so fast.

The war rages on & the love endures....

The battle continues with my arch nemesis, CAFFEINE! It is evil I tell you! For those of you who have not yet encountered the horrible beast, I hope that one day you will....I don't want to be the only loser who can't drink the stuff. Before having Monkey, I realized I was sensitive to the stuff. Actually, the only time I've been able to drink it and NOT be affected by it was when I was pregnant (there's a reason to get another bun in the oven ;)). After I had the little chimpette, I was back to the sensitivity crap...Which double sucks because one of my favorite beverages is the king of caffeine, Mt. Dew. Well, my friends...This year this saga has hit an all time low. A few months back I realized that even decaf had too much caffeine for me. DECAF for the love of mike! I get the same irritability that I do with the regular stuff, especially when it's getting out of my system. Yesterday my hopes of ever getting over this were completely destroyed. There I was snacking on some chocolate covered pretzels (not even regular sized ones, the bite size ones that Hershey's came out with), thinking nothing of it. I didn't go overboard, not like I ate the whole bag or anything...but later that evening I noticed myself getting more and more irritated by Monkey. For no reason! I thought maybe I was just being moody or something. Then last night, I go NO sleep. I was completely baffled. I was trying to think through what I had eaten that day to find the culprit, the only thing that it could possibly been was those delicious pretzel bites. I guess the 20 or 30 of them I had was just too much. So now I not only have to avoid regular sodas and decaf stuff, but I can't have too much chocolate either. Why must this keep getting worse and worse. Which brings me to the second part of my subject...
So yesterday evening and all of today so far, I have been a total meanie to my sweet little Monkey. I know I'm being a terd, but I can't seem to stop myself. I know the reason for it, but I can't shut my mouth. What amazes me is that Monkey is so eager to forgive me when I apologize to her for my horrific behavior. She just wants her nice mommy back. I had to tell her that my attitude had nothing to do with her, that I loved her and was so so so sorry that I was being a butt head (I didn't actually use those words for fear of her repeating them). She just wanted to love on me without my freaking out like she was throwing hot oil all over me. She has such a sweet nature and I'm so blessed to have her for a daughter. God certainly didn't hold all my past wrong doing against me when he let me take care of her for him. I know God doesn't do that, but I get a little scared when I think of all I've done growing up. A child love is such a gift.
Now that I'm getting all mushy, I'll sign off. Please say a prayer that tomorrow my caff-attitude will have subsided.

There's no place like home...

There is nothing quite like a girl's first pair of screaming red shoes. We went to Walmart last night to get some stuff for Hunny and I looked in the kids section to see if they had any decent sandals. Monkey saw these and fell in love...so did I. For those who know of my fashion sense in high school and college, this will come as no surprise. My college softball team didn't call me Rainbow Brite for nothing. Monkey adores these shoes and she got tons of compliments at school today. Thankfully there's a little room in them so she'll be able to get lots of use out of them. I have a feeling she'll be wearing them alot this summer...with every other color of the rainbow. As Monkey likes to say, "I'm not one for matching." I swear she gets that from her Dad.

It is finished...

The crisis is over! The wishy-washiness, finito! Well, not totally. Hunny and I have decided that 3 is the magic number for us. Monkey will be it for us. I will admit that I do still occasionally have little urges of wanting another one, but they quickly disappear. I don't want to feel guilty about this anymore. I do love babies, I just don't want anymore of my own. Things are good in our little family. GUILT WILL NO LONGER BE IN MY VOCABULARY! At least about this. =) I can tell you honestly that I'm not looking forward to dealing with comments about my sweet Monkey turning out to be a horrid spoiled child. I just recently read a post about whether it's way more work with the second one. And there were a couple comments on there about how it's terrible having an only child and you should never do that to you kid. To that I say, "BALDERDASH!" I don't think it'll be easy peasy to make sure she's not one of those kids. I know she's already got a few of the signs, but we're working on it. I've read a book (big surprise, I know) called The Seven common Sins of Parenting an Only Child. It's given me a lot of insight about what I can do now and in the future to help Monkey be the best kid she can be. I actually want to buy this one so I have it on hand. I may do a future post summarizing it (though there are only 2 people I know planning on having an only). I just wanted to tell you guys what's up and how this part of my life was going. I won't be discussing the "decision" aspect of this again. It's over and done! I'm moving on and focusing on being the best Mom to an Only there has ever been!

Routine is a good thing...

I've made this great new chart (actually I stole it off Super Nanny) for Monkey to use for her morning and nightly routines. I've drawn out the different things she needs to do and in what order. I then attatched little squares of velcro under, or above, each thing. I put Monkey's picture on a flower and then put velcro on the back of that too. She moves her picture down the line until she's completed her routine...then we'll movie it to the other one when night comes. If you have this for more than one child you just make more rows and give them each a picture to move along. The Nanny only did this for the morning routine but I forget too much stuff at night (mostly peeing and brushing the teeth). She seems to be liking it so far. She's actually standing at it right now talking to herself. Hee Hee! I'm hoping it'll last for a while so that I can take it with us when ever we move. Wish me luck.
I am editing this post so that I can add in another BRILLIANT thing I've started today (I do have these types of ideas once in a while). Monkey has been wanting to get toys left and right. So when she starts asking now we tell her that she has to save up her allowance. I bought this dry erase board and in permanent marker I drew and wrote what her chores are. When she's completed the chore, she marks it off. This way we can erase the board everynight and start over. When the time comes for us to upgrade her chores, I'll just buy a new board (it was only like $3) and put her new chores on it. I'm really excited about this, I'm just praying it'll work. She'll get $5 every week if she keeps up with her chores and I get a nice way to tell her no when she asks for toys every 5 minutes. YEAH!

bunny trail: the Gunny that's been taking Hunny through the CI process came down and interviewed a couple of the guys he works with. Mentioned to them that the board meeting Hunny'll be attending on the 26th is very stressful. Please say some serious prayers about this. He really wants this, so I want it for him. Thanks a bunch!

Sisters...

"Sisters...sisters, there were never such devoted sisters..." -The Haynes Sisters

I love my sisters. When we get together (all 5 of us) there usually ends up being a fight of some sort. Maybe it's too much estrogen. But when it's just a mix of 4 of us, doesn't matter which 4...we have soo much fun. I could not stand these ladies growing up, let me tell you. I hated being in our family...but now? Now a part of me would die if anything ever happened to any of them. I am so connected to them, it's scary. I'm sure if must irritate Hunny at some times. When they hurt, I hurt...when they're irritated, so am I. I hate when I see them in stupid situations that they got themselves into (Yella is famous for this) and they're suffering in some way because of it. When one is goofy and we're all together, we all get goofy.
Like right now...4 of us are chatting in a room and it's stinking
hilarious. It's like we feed off of each other. I SO wish we lived closer to each other, but then we might get on each others nerves. Actually, I guess I wish we could get together more often. I miss having them around. I miss my mis-guided pre-21 phase. Living with Pup and livin' it up. I miss being crafty and scrapping with them. They always give me such great ideas.
I live for my family, not just Hunny and Monkey. But my sisters and my moms and pops too. My heart is seriously hurting right now and I'm getting all misty. I miss them so much. They all have such different things that I love. This list is not to say that there are not more things that I love about each of them, or that the others don't posses the quality that I love in one of them. These are just the ones that come to mind. Campbell's wisdom. Pup's innate sense of knowing what I'm thinking and usually being on the same page as me, in everything. Yella's heart, it's so big, that gets her in trouble sometimes. And Boo...her sense of humor, she's so goofy, just like me when I get going. She's pretty stinking smart too. Ah, family!
sidenote: if you want to see some funny family pics check out my sisters site.
www.the-beth.blogspot.com

Funniest picture ever...

I really have no reason for posting this picture, I just think it is SO funny! My normally super gorgeous Hunny, looking like a total goof ball. He sent this to me while he was on deployment in Japan. I laughed at it until he came home and it's my favorite pic to show people when they start looking through the scrapbooks. I think it totally captures his personality. He's so funny and he can always make me laugh. I love that about him. I can't stay mad at the guy...all he has to do is smile at me and I'm done. It can be very annoying at times...but I can live with it, as long as I have him.

Kid quandary...

I have three issues to discuss (only two have to deal with Monkey, but since Hunny has been acting like a kid, I'll include his too). I'm not really sure how I should deal with these and I'm hoping that some of you may have some great advice for me.
AH-TI-TUDE!
Monkey's attitude has been driving me up the wall lately. It's like every word out of her mouth is said with a snear. I must be involed in everything..."Mom has to do it," "I am talking to Mommy," "I need Mommy!" She can be down right rude to her Dad...not letting him touch her, ignoring him when he talks to her, then when she does reply it's always sarcastic or rude. I can see how much this hurts his feelings. I've talked to her about this but it doesn't seem to help at all. We've started a new thing, when I hear her voice getting nasty..I told her I'll say the word attitude to her and she'll know she needs to watch how she's speaking. Are there any other ideas out there? I think I need to start taking notice of my tone of voice when I speak to her and see if maybe that's where she's picking it up. I'm not sure.
CHATTERBOX
Next issue is Monkey's incessant talking. The girl never stops. Whether she's watching a movie, eating or we're reading a book together, she is usually talking. I'm afraid this may harm friendships as I've seen her chatter through a movie and I can see a look of annoyance coming over the face of one of her firends who's trying to listen. If she's not talking to some one, her toys are talking to eachother or she's speaking to an imaginary someone. I don't really have any ideas what to do with this one. Any ideas would be appreciated.
WITHDRAWLS
This last one deals with Hunny. He hasn't been dipping as much since his folks are here because he doesn't like doing it in front of them, which is okay with me. What's not okay with me is when I get the attitude that comes from those withdrawls. He's the same old Hunny with his parents and our daughter...but I get the edge in his voice or the comments that are meant to sting. Others may not here the tone change but I do. I know him too well. I mean, today..I felt guilty because I didn't tell him where the exit was on a drive. Why should I feel guilty when I'm not the one driving?! Then he does this sigh/snear thing that totally says, "How could you not tell me that was coming up? How could you miss that? Where's your head at?" Am I just supposed to act like it doesn't bother me, that his mood swings are okay? Am I supposed to bit@# at him about it so he thinks I'm a nagging girl? I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this. I've told him about it before and he either apologizes or says he wasn't acting any different with me. But it just keeps happening. Help me out here people...
Signed,
Sincerely Frustrated

The in-laws have left the building..

So we just got back from dropping the in-laws off at the airport. It really was a great weekend, all around. Actually, I'd say it was one of the best visits in the history of in-laws visiting and not just my in-laws....I'm talking all in-laws, through out history. There were now "hidden digs" that there have been in the past, or maybe it's just that I feel more secure in my parenting that I took them as the jokes they were meant to be. Maybe Hunny was right, maybe I just read too much into past comments. Monkey did really well with them, for the most part. Hunny and I had some free time apart and together since they were here to watch Monkey. It was great. I've started adding jogging to my walks and it's working out really well, I'm running more evertime I go. I feel stronger all ready (I'm sure that's all in my head, as I've only done it like 3 or 4 days now)! We went to breakfast with some friends of ours this morning and then went to a new Harley dealership in Portsmouth. It was so nice, but probably a bad idea to take Hunny in there, now he's going to be moaning about having to wait to get his very own bike. So, life will get back to normal...next big thing is Hunny turning in his paper for the "new job" and meeting with the board to see if they're going to take him. Please keep him in your prayers.

The real me...

I know, insane-o...three posts in one day. After such an absence. It's crazy I know.
I was driving to WalMart listening to music...and I just started wondering?! Does anyone really know the real me? Do I even know the real me? I mean, how do I come off to people I just meet? And do I ever really show people the me I am when I'm by myself? And is that person I am when I'm by myself really what I want to be? Indecisive, vain, selfish, impatient, judgmental, semi-perfectionist (I say semi because it's only in regards to myself). There are the good qualities...loyal, humorous, loving, giving (I think), helpful, good natured (when not under the influence of caffeine). I just never know if I'm being real or not. I get so scared that I'm just this copy of whoever I happen to be with. I tend to never reach the extreme of an emotion. I mean, I've been happy and sad and definitely depressed...but sometimes I don't think I FEEL enough. Maybe I just forget the times where I feel something really strongly. Most of the 'feelings' feeling has to do with my walk with God. I've heard so many people talk about feeling God. Having this big changing moment, I've never felt that. I often doubt whether I'm a Christian at all...if I haven't felt God in that way, how can I know? I try do do what's right, to resist temptations, to live a Godly life...but there are times when I've been doing really well that this thought crosses my mind, "Am I just living a lie? Is it all an act? Is this just for show?" I get so scared that this is true. I love God and I fully believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and that I'm a sinner (there's never been a doubt in my mind of that), I've asked Christ into my heart a number of times...but I never get this feeling of a hole being filled, that my life is changed...shouldn't I feel this? I've had these doubts since high school and they just always seem to creep up on me. I don't know what to do about this...I pray about it, but it feels like I'm just talking to a big empty space. I know I need to have faith that God will give me what I need, when I need it. It's just so hard. Please pray for me.
I wasn't exactly thinking this post would end up this way. Isn't it weird how you think it'll go one way and it just comes out another. I guess this has been on my heart for a while, milling around in there.
Oh, and we still have no idea what we're doing about the second baby thing. Hunny is leaning back to having only Monkey. Pray Pray Pray

Fun with the In-Laws!

So, as I said in an earlier post my in-laws are visiting. They are wonderful people that I've come to love dearly. They're visiting for Easter weekend and it's been a blast. They won't let us pay for anything (I'd say it sucks, but I'd be lieing) and they always want to do something. This is great for Monkey. We went to the Children's Museum on Thursday and today we went to the Aquarium, both tons of fun, but sadly I forgot my stinkin' camera both times. Monkey enjoyed both places but was a bit bratty for the first part of the Aquarium because she was hungry. Once we got food in that little stomach she was much better.
We also started two Easter tradition that I hope to carry on through Monkey's childhood. Both Monkey and I learned how to make Easter bread (a Longo familiy tradition) this year. Monkey had a great time so I hope we can do it every year. For those who don't know, Easter bread has salami, ricotta, pepperoni and mozarella layered into a bread. It is so yummy! We also dyed eggs for Monkey's egg hunt that we'll do tomorrow after church. She had a really fun time, didn't want to put her fingers into the dye at first though. It was a princess dye kit so she got to put jewel stickers on after they dried. I hope she has a great time finding them tomorrow.
Hunny and I are going out by ourselves tonight. We're going to a friends house to watch a UFC fight. I think it'll be a good time. Haven't hung out with Hunny and his dudes (without Monkey)for a while. I'm going to make my infamous Taco Salad. I know everyone from my side of the family is going, "Mmmm, Taco Salad" right now. So, it's not really MY infamous taco salad, more like my families infamous taco salad.
So, life is going pretty well right now. We're all hanging out and Hunny has Monday off and the in-laws leave that day too. Then Monkey's school starts back up on Tuesday so life will get back to normal. Not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing. Monkey has loved having her Grandparents here and has asked a couple times if we can move in with them...not sure if I'm at that level yet. =) I'll write more tomorrow about the Easter festivities.

What's in your purse?

Took this from Boo's site. So here's what's in my black Old Navy purse that I've been using for a few months (I change periodically). And for some reason I cannot hit enter when I'm writing a post so it will just be one long list...(Eureka, I fixed the enter problem, I don't know how but I did it)
In the front pocket we have: a coupon for a free kid cone at DQ, a pack of beauty blotters from Mary Kay, a small ostrich toy, bonnie bell lip lites in cappuccino, a hair tie,a gum wrapper, a receipt from navy fed, and some softlips chap stick in french vanilla(spf 20).
In the main pocket: sunglasses, hand repair cream in black raspberry vanilla from b&bw, a brochure for the children's museum of VA, my tanning goggles, a copy of life & style weekly magazine, refresh drops for mis ojos, a baby lion toy, my checkbook with pics, and envelopes filled with money (i will not reveal those vast amounts), a travel degree ultra clear deodorant, my vip card for tropical smoothie cafe (best wraps ever!), another hair tie, softlips chapstick in cool cherry, some bits of trash, another receipt from navy fed and 42 cents in change.
In the side pockets: benefit's dr. feelgood (de-shiner for my face) and two girly products.
While I wrote this I took the liberty of cleaning out said purse, so it is now more manageable. Okay, so the in-laws have been here since Wednesday and things have been really good. Except for Hunny's grumpiness at not being able to dip whenever he wants (he won't do it in front of his folks). I will write more later. I have some cute pics of egg dyeing and making some Easter bread.
So, I'm off to shower before we head to the Aquarium.

Bad Blog..you're a very bad blog!

Sometime when I write on this thing I feel terrible. I look back at my past posts and I think, "Am I a lunatic? All these people (the 8 that read it at least) will think Im totally nuts with no decision making skills what so ever." I'm back to questioning the kids. I've been trying to just NOT think about it at all and I've been doing pretty well. When I see people with two older kids, I think I could do that...when I see some younger kids, I think...not so much. When I see Monkey's reaction to our friend's toddler, Maile...I think, she's not cut out to have a sibling. There's lots of, "don't touch that, it's mine, mom she's getting into it. she's looking at me" and many others that I'm sure mothers with more than one child have heard numerous (count them, millions) of times. But at the same time, I think, she really needs one so she can learn that she is NOT the center of the universe and that everything can't be hers and that my time has not permanently been labeled-FOR MONKEY'S USE ONLY! But is it wrong to have another child to teach the first one? I mean, that sounds off to me in some way. I honestly don't know if I could handle having another baby. When I see her friends (who are brother and sister) play together, I'm not in love with the idea, actually those two kind of creep me out sometimes (think the Friends episode where Rachel's love interest has a too weird relationship with his sister). I know my kids wouldn't necessaryily be like that, but do I want to take that chance? I just don't know. Please don't think less of me for this uncertainty I live with. If it's not about this, it's about something else. I have to have at least one thing that I'm worrying over and everything else is fine. I just have to have that one thing. I know I should be giving all my worries and cares over to God, but that is easier said than done, at least for me. That's it for now, I have a very interesting post for later (read: probably very boring) on some stuff I've been reading about raising only children. I must go start my cleaning efforts (I promised Hunny I'd have the house spotless by the time he came home tomorrow, he's gone for the night.) The countdown to the in law invasion has begun, t-minus 2 days till arrival. Hunny is so anal about having the house spotless when we have company, especially his folks. I love them to death, but they bring the pain of house work on me. Hee Hee! I don't mind it that much, it gives me a reason to get it done, which is very good. So I'm off to clean until I go on a walk with my "home for the week and am intent on driving my mother crazy" daughter and friend that lives down the street. Catch ya later dudes!

My mirror...

Holy wake up call, Batman! Monkey woke up from a late nap and has been so crabby. Crying incessantly, for no reason, what so ever! We kept telling her to use her words, that there was no reason to be crying, that if she wanted to cry to please do it in her room because we didn't want to hear it...so on and so forth. When she finally calmed down a bit, she called (actually whined at the top of her lungs after giving me 1 milli-second to respond) me to start a movie. I asked if she could use her big girl voice to call me and she started tearing up. I looked at her and said, "Hunny, why are you so emotional right now?" She looked up at me with this look of confusion in her eyes and wailed, "I don't know!" That's when the mirror smacked me in the face. There have been so many times I have wailed that very thing to Hunny after crying on his shoulder for no reason at all. I just get into these moods when I'm like a raging ball of emotion. I can't control it, they just come and over take me. I'm moody all day, then I get depressed, then I cry. God forbid she has these bouts. I HATE them! They make me feel so useless, like a whiney little girl. I hope I can help her cope with them if she does have them. Mirrors suck!

Hair today...

Am I a freak of nature or what?!? I know that one of the side effects of giving birth is that your hair falls out more for a while...but what if it NEVER STOPS!? I had Monkey almost 5 years ago and I'm still losing my hair like crazy. Every day that I take a shower I pull out so much hair. I have a special corner in the shower to hold it all! I don't save it to make a hair doll or anything, I'm not crazy! (Do you know what movie that's from, the hair doll?) Said hair is removed after every shower and thrown away, or else Hunny gets very grossed out and eric-tated at me. I do not blame him! And I don't even want to go into how much hair is there if I have not taken a shower in a day (this rarely happens). I can stand in there after shampooing and conditioning FOREVER pulling hair off my fingers, twirling it and sticking it in the corner. Yuck! And speaking of things that are supposed to be only during pregnancy...getting up a zillion times a night to pee is getting ridiculous. I am STILL doing it! Seriously, at least twice a night, if not more. Small price to pay for my sweet, loving, adorable (can you tell I'm trying to convince myself?) daughter.

Ah, the military...

So, I know I've stated on here that we have the options of going to Hawaii, San Diego or 29 Palms if Hunny stays in the intantry. Well, today I found out our options if he gets into counter-intel. They are as follows...San Diego, Camp Lejune (in NC for those that don't know) and Okinawa, Japan. He met witht he CI guys yesterday and today. He meets with a board on the 26th and has a research paper that he needs to complete this week. I will be on him like white on rice or it will never get done. He asked me last night if I'm really behind him in this. I told him of course I am. He's worried because of the high deploying, but I know we can do it. Though, we may talk of putting off having another baby until we see just how much he deploys to see if I can handle it. Am I a big wuss, YOU BET! I'm not sure I could handle another baby if Eric is gone ALL the time. Having only Ryelie would be much easier on my fragile sanity. =) Will I love him being gone alot? Of course not! How could you people think such a thing?! But I know this is something that he REALLY wants to do and I for one think he'd be AMAZING at it. He's just one of those people...I don't know how to describe it. He's much smarter than he gives himself credit for (which irritates the snot out of me, which is kind of a good thing right now, it being allergy season and all..I am cracking myself up today) and I know that he was made for this job. So anyway, back to the original topic...I asked where he'd want to go out of the 3 places, he said OKI! That is so far away. We talked about going there before we came to VA...I'm so scared of it though. Going across country is one thing, but a WHOLE NOTHER COUNTRY!?! It scares me spittless. I know we could do and and it's an opportunity to see a part of the world I'd otherwise not see, change is just so scary for me. Part of me wants to go to Oki, but the other wants to go to Sd where I know some peeps and I wouldn't be too far out of my comfort zone. I know this might not even be an option if he doesn't get this job, so I'll just wait on the Lord. He knows what I'll be able to handle. So, I'll keep this here thing updated to let you know the progress of Eric's interveiw process. Peace, I'm outta here!

Favorite pictures...

I wanted to share two of my all time favorite pictures of Monkey. She was such a cute toddler...she had the sweetest face, still does. I can't believe how quickly she's growing up on me. It makes me really sad that I didn't enjoy the younger stages as much as I could have. I know that's something I will do with #2, slow down and enjoy the baby stages. Remember that those precious times don't last forever and you'll regret not cherishing them. I can only pray that I'll remember this when the time comes. When worrying about the baby decision a very wise friend of mine told me to pray that God would make his desires, my desires. I've said a prayer along those lines regularly through out the days since given the advice and I can tell you that it's changed me. My desire for a baby grows everyday...and I'm using the advice in different areas of my life as well. I really do want what's best for my family and me, and who knows better what's best for us than our Father. Thanks for the wonderful advice Okigirl, you really are a wonderful friend and inspiration. Another side note, Monkey watched Baby Story with me today and has decided now that she'd like both a baby sister and brother. She definitely thinks more of my abilities than I do. Hee Hee!

Maybe next month..

So, no baby this month. Probably better as we already have MASSIVE amounts going on in December, which would have been the due date. Between the two sides of the family we have 2 anniversaries and 6 birthdays, add Christmas on top of that and you've got one busy month. I wasn't really expecting it this month anyway, I'd be lying though if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. I'm not totally certain if I'm going to keep blogging about the 'trying'. You all just may be in the dark about it. I have a tendency to over obsess about this if I pay too much attention to it. I'll have to decide about that. So you all may just be surprised by a blog one day that says a baby is on the way. On a side note, Monkey still has a fever and a rash on her chest. Not sure if I should take her to the doctor, they'll just tell me it's a virus and just has to run it's course (been there before.) Probably won't unless her temperature gets super high, it's less than 101 degrees now. She's been resting. What I don't know is if she should go to school tomorrow? I'm 99% positive she's not contagious. Any ideas? Should I call the school and ask?

The morning after...

I got a call this morning @ 815 am. Monkey had a fever and was throwing up. Hunny and I were up, getting ready to go to breakfast. We went to get her, but by the time we got there, she was fine and wanted to stay. No fever, no more throwing up. I honestly think it was just nerves. And the fact that she doesn't eat alot when she's at other peoples houses. So Hunny and I continued on to breakfast without Monkey. Had a good time. Came home and called Misty and asked if she'd drop Monkey off before coming in town to go tan. She said she wasn't coming to tan but that she'd drop her off on her way to work at 130pm. All night and half the day without the munchkin...WEIRD! We went to Walmart and BestBuy to look at laptops, Hunny must have one! Smart though because he'll be able to keep in touch with us more on deployments and it'll be easier for him to do work stuff in which ever job he goes to next. Didn't really see any we liked so checked out the Dell site. Customized one for him, I won't say how much it was since we're supposed to be paying off bills. But we'll be paying it off in a few months with his re-enlistment bonus anyways. So...no harm, no foul. Hunny is very excited and I'm excited for him. This also means that with the bonus, I can also get a camcorder and maybe a new digital camera, as well as putting a bunch on the bills. FUN FUN!

No doubt about it..

I miss my girl. I just left Monkey over at her friends house to sleep over. I feel only half full. If I feel like this when she's just going over night, I can't imagine what those mothers feel that lose their children all together. If I actually start thinking about it, I may cry, so I won't. I can't believe how much I miss her. I mean, I'd be lieing if I said I was never irritated by her or that sometimes I wish I could drop her off somewhere and just leave her (I would never to that , by the way,) but now that I legitimatly have a night without her, I feel almost lonely. How is that possible?! Hunny and I kept putting off leaving, we asked her a couple time, "Do you want to spend the night here?" She said yes everytime. Hunny finally said, "We won't be here, we're going to go home.." I think in some small way hoping that she'd cry NO! and cling to us with tears streaming down her face. She simply replied, "Oh, I'll miss you." With a smile on her face barely able to stand there long enough to give us a hug and kiss before she raced back to her friends. How bummed I was! I'm a sick, sick woman. Oh, and regarding my last post, thanks HeatherY for the great advice. I'm just not ready for her to be growing up so fast.