Bad Blog..you're a very bad blog!

Sometime when I write on this thing I feel terrible. I look back at my past posts and I think, "Am I a lunatic? All these people (the 8 that read it at least) will think Im totally nuts with no decision making skills what so ever." I'm back to questioning the kids. I've been trying to just NOT think about it at all and I've been doing pretty well. When I see people with two older kids, I think I could do that...when I see some younger kids, I think...not so much. When I see Monkey's reaction to our friend's toddler, Maile...I think, she's not cut out to have a sibling. There's lots of, "don't touch that, it's mine, mom she's getting into it. she's looking at me" and many others that I'm sure mothers with more than one child have heard numerous (count them, millions) of times. But at the same time, I think, she really needs one so she can learn that she is NOT the center of the universe and that everything can't be hers and that my time has not permanently been labeled-FOR MONKEY'S USE ONLY! But is it wrong to have another child to teach the first one? I mean, that sounds off to me in some way. I honestly don't know if I could handle having another baby. When I see her friends (who are brother and sister) play together, I'm not in love with the idea, actually those two kind of creep me out sometimes (think the Friends episode where Rachel's love interest has a too weird relationship with his sister). I know my kids wouldn't necessaryily be like that, but do I want to take that chance? I just don't know. Please don't think less of me for this uncertainty I live with. If it's not about this, it's about something else. I have to have at least one thing that I'm worrying over and everything else is fine. I just have to have that one thing. I know I should be giving all my worries and cares over to God, but that is easier said than done, at least for me. That's it for now, I have a very interesting post for later (read: probably very boring) on some stuff I've been reading about raising only children. I must go start my cleaning efforts (I promised Hunny I'd have the house spotless by the time he came home tomorrow, he's gone for the night.) The countdown to the in law invasion has begun, t-minus 2 days till arrival. Hunny is so anal about having the house spotless when we have company, especially his folks. I love them to death, but they bring the pain of house work on me. Hee Hee! I don't mind it that much, it gives me a reason to get it done, which is very good. So I'm off to clean until I go on a walk with my "home for the week and am intent on driving my mother crazy" daughter and friend that lives down the street. Catch ya later dudes!